Confirming I Was A Woman Was Like Telling Me I Am A Black Person
This letter is part of our inaugural editorial series, “Letter to Myself,” in which NewNowNext asked 40 remarkable queer people to write a note to their younger selves.
I do not remember when exactly I decided to make the choice of being myself. Why? Because it was never a choice to begin with.
All I remember now is how much people wanted it to look like a choice and also the rejection from people who surrounded me when I told them I was a woman.
The transition for me was smooth. The doctors confirming I was intersex and a woman was like telling me the obvious, that I am a black person.
I would tell my younger self to love herself even more because if I did without hesitation I wouldn’t have suffered like I did. The rejection instilled a lot of self-hate in my soul and this invited negative energies from people toward me.
Choice sounded like a privilege at the time. Had I been able to choose my life and who I am, I think I would have wanted to just be “normal,” so that when I walk no one points a finger at me or talks about me.
Today, I know that my life is meant to inspire someone, bring joy to someone, bring clarity to someone, and that is the greatest gift anyone can ever be.
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